A teacher asks a question, and several hands go up immediately. One child answers without hesitation. Another knows what they want to say but keeps quiet. Later, that same child may explain an idea to a friend, contribute to a group activity, or finally ask the question they had been thinking about all morning.
Which child is confident?
The answer may not be as simple as it seems.
When we think about confidence in children, we often picture the child who speaks first, volunteers for everything, or feels comfortable standing in front of a group. But confidence isn’t always obvious. Sometimes, it shows up in smaller ways: trying something unfamiliar, sharing an opinion, asking for help, making a decision, or trying again when something doesn’t go as planned.
Research supports the importance of these everyday experiences. In its 2024 report on social and emotional learning, the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) found that students who felt a stronger sense of belonging at school and had positive relationships with teachers and classmates also reported stronger social and emotional skills (OECD 2024). These findings remind us that confidence is not only about individual personality. A child’s environment, and the relationships they build within it, can also play an important role in how well they grow.
Confidence Has More Than One Look
Children communicate and participate in different ways. One child may enjoy presenting in front of a class but hesitate in an unfamiliar social situation. Another may rarely volunteer to lead but instead listen carefully, contribute thoughtful ideas, and work well with others.
That is why confidence does not have a standard appearance.
Sometimes growth is easy to notice: a willingness to join a new activity, give a presentation, or take responsibility for a task. At other times, it is subtle: asking a teacher for clarification instead of staying confused, contributing an idea during a discussion, or completing something with a little more independence than before.
These moments may seem ordinary, but they can help children begin to see themselves as capable.
Small Experiences Can Build Something Bigger
Confidence is rarely built through one big achievement. More often, it grows through repeated experiences of trying, learning, receiving support, and trying again.
The Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University emphasizes the importance of responsive adult relationships and opportunities to practice skills. Its framework also describes “scaffolding,” where adults provide enough support to help a child begin and gradually step back as the child’s abilities develop (Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University 2017).
This serves as an important reminder for parents, educators, and mentors: Supporting a child does not always mean doing something for them. Sometimes it just means being present, offering encouragement, and giving them enough space to try.
A challenging assignment, a new activity, a conversation with someone unfamiliar, or even recovering from a mistake can become part of a child’s growing understanding of what they can do.
Finding a Voice Is More Than Speaking Loudly
Finding your voice does not necessarily mean becoming more talkative.
A child’s voice might appear through conversation, writing, art, questions, problem-solving, leadership, or simply expressing a preference. What matters is having meaningful opportunities to participate and contribute.
UNICEF Innocenti reports that meaningful participation can help children and young people build confidence, strengthen their sense of identity, develop agency, and gain valuable skills (UNICEF Innocenti n.d.).
Schools can create many of these opportunities through classroom discussions, collaborative projects, creative activities, student leadership, and everyday interactions. Families, mentors, coaches, and community programs can provide additional spaces where young people feel comfortable contributing.
The American Psychological Association also highlights the value of listening to students’ voices and providing appropriate opportunities for choice and responsibility in learning (McCombs 2015).
How Parents and Educators Can Help Children Build Confidence
Building confidence often begins with small opportunities for children to participate, make choices, and learn from their experiences:
- Encourage independent thinking. Give children opportunities to solve simple problems and make decisions without immediately stepping in to help.
- Celebrate small achievements. Recognize effort, whether a child asks a question, attempts something unfamiliar, or shares an idea for the first time.
- Make classroom participation comfortable. Instead of expecting every student to speak in front of the class, teachers can encourage pair discussions before inviting students to share their ideas.
According to the Education Endowment Foundation (2025), oral language approaches involving structured discussions and interactions between teachers and students, or among peers, can support learning. Some studies have also reported improvements in students’ confidence.
The goal is not to make every child outspoken but to create an environment where every child feels comfortable contributing.
References
- Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. 2017. “Three Principles to Improve Outcomes for Children and Families.” October 6, 2017. https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resources/report/three-principles-to-improve-outcomes-for-children-and-families/.
- Education Endowment Foundation. 2025. “Oral Language Interventions.” Teaching and Learning Toolkit. Last updated May 2025. https://educationendowmentfoundation.org.uk/education-evidence/teaching-learning-toolkit/oral-language-interventions/.
- McCombs, Barbara L. 2015. “Developing Responsible and Autonomous Learners: A Key to Motivating Students.” American Psychological Association, March 9, 2015. https://www.apa.org/education-career/k12/learners.
- Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD). 2024. Nurturing Social and Emotional Learning Across the Globe: Findings from the OECD Survey on Social and Emotional Skills 2023. Paris: OECD Publishing. https://doi.org/10.1787/32b647d0-en.
- UNICEF Innocenti. n.d. “Why Participation Matters: The Evidence for Involving Children and Youth in Policy and Decision-Making.” UNICEF Office of Strategy and Evidence – Innocenti. Accessed October 7, 2026. https://www.unicef.org/innocenti/why-participation-matters-0
